February 18, 2010
Yesterday was a bit difficult for me. I knew this day was coming and actually overdue since I’d been putting it off. I got my hair cut into a short bob last week to make the transformation less dramatic. Still, even with cutting it, it was a bit heart breaking.
This week my hair started to fall out, a lot. I’ve had to clean off the bed every morning, the shower drain has been getting clogged, and my hair thinned out so much I had to don my wig the other day when we went out. My head was actually hurting from my hair falling out, it was so sensitive I couldn’t even touch it. I’ve been wearing scarves and hats so my hair wasn’t falling out all over the house but yesterday I decided enough was enough and I finally got it shaved. My head feels very strange and cold. I don’t quite feel comfortable enough to go without wearing a hat, scarf, or my wig out in public but I’m going to try and go au-natural in the house…as long as Brandon doesn’t freak out. 🙂
Callie and my mom were with me when I got my head shaved. Callie got a bit upset, asking if we could put it back on, but I think she’ll get used to it after a while. She was so worried about the lady cleaning up all of my hair and kept asking “Will they clean up the mess? It’s messy!”. She cracks me up.
Anyways, I’ll be brave and post a picture. Being bald is nothing to be ashamed of. I know it’s cliche but beauty is more than skin deep. On the upside, it takes me much less time to get ready now that I only have to do my makeup. Also, not shaving my legs or armpits is an added bonus. I think in a way this experience is just opening up my eyes to the fact that society puts so much emphasis on a woman’s beauty or a man’s good looks and tries to fit everything into such a small sliver of what’s acceptable. I thought I would care if people stared at my bald head or my head scarves but honestly, I don’t. I’m still me and I still feel like me, that’s all that matters.
In other news, I discovered that my chest pain is due to pericardial effusion, or fluid around my heart. Right now, it’s a small amount so they are just going to monitor it after every Adriamycian cycle I receive. Of course, I have to get one of the “rare” side effects of the chemo!
Other than that, I’m doing well. Today I felt very sick but hopefully tomorrow is a better day!
“Laugh as much as you breathe and love as long as you live.” – Author Unknown